Dilaa

Since this afternoon, I’ve really wanted to cry, but somehow it feels like my tears don’t want to be seen in a crowd, especially not by my mother. They only seem to flow most freely when everything around me is quiet. A few days ago, life still felt fine and normal. But today, there were a few “surprises” from God for me and my family, a rocky road that we have to walk as this year comes to an end. Besides feeling sad, I’m also confused. I can’t fully picture yet how things will unfold in the coming days. But they say we are never burdened with something we are incapable of bearing. So we will get through this well, right? They also say that hardship is always accompanied by ease. All this time, as my mind has been in chaos, I’ve been asking God, “After this, what kind of big gift will be waiting ahead?” At least that thought comforts me and keeps my hope alive. Even though everything I’ve planned feels somewhat impossible right now, I know He is always good. I keep my hopes high that ...

All this time, I thought my love languange was physical touch. But it turns out, now I think mine is more to act of service and words of affirmation (what I give, and what I would like to receive). -udah sih gitu aja, sekian-

I kind of have this habit where at the day before my birthday, I will stay up late until my birthday. While counting down to my birthday, I usually write down my thoughts, wishes and resolutions for a new chapter was also running round my head. It was just always excites me to wait for my birthday. Because whoelse would be excited or would love me that much other than myself! After my birthday comes, I usually pray for myself, for everything that I wanted to achieve, for every hope that I've always been keeping. After that, I lowkey checked on my WhatsApp, JUST IN CASE someone's put a great effort to be the first to wish me for my birthday *lol (But it was always my annoying yet lovely sister who became the first, world should know one of her sweetest side). Yeah, I just really love to read everyone's warm wishes for my birthday. And knowing that a person remember my birthday, is an amazing feeling that never fail to put a smile on my face - even the worst part is I'm n...

Pada hakikatnya, tidak semua hal terjadi sesuai apa yang kita inginkan atau kita impikan. Dalam setiap perjalanan, akan selalu ada beragam kemungkinan, entah baik atau buruknya itu. Tugasnya manusia hanyalah selalu berusaha yang paling baik untuk memperjuangkan asa, melangitkan doa sebanyak-banyaknya memohon kehendak Sang pencipta, dan sisanya berpasrah diri dengan bersiap menerima hasilnya.  Sehingga tidak dipungkiri, perlu ada ruang dalam hati yang disiapkan untuk kecewa. Berbesar hati untuk menerima kegagalan atau kekecewaan tentu bukan hal yang mudah. Namun, menyadari bahwa kita telah berjuang dan mengorbankan banyak hal selama perjalanan, rasanya perlu menjadi penguat hati untuk tidak larut dalam keterpurukan. Sebab, menyalahkan diri dan mengutuk hal-hal yang disesali akan jauh lebih menyakitkan untuk jiwa dan raga yang sudah cukup lelah. Maka duduklah sejenak, proses setiap bentuk emosi dan renungkanlah. Berterima kasihlah pada diri atas perjuangan yang luar biasa, atas setia...

It was on a Saturday night in June when this thing happened. I was on my way home after hanging out with some friends at a cafe. I rode my motorcycle while following after one of my friends who was also riding her motorcycle in the back (because we were heading in the same direction). On our way on the road, at some point, I felt something wrong with my motorcycle, I couldn't shift the gear until I felt it didn't move anymore. So I thought the chain fell off on the road. It turned out I was right, the chain fell off on the road. I panicked a little wondering where the chain fell. So I put my motorcycle on the edge of the road for a while. I walked back while looking for my motorcycle chain. After around 50 meters away, I finally found it in the middle of the road haha.

Tonight, I accidentally caught my little brother smoking cigarettes. It started when I go to his room all of sudden to get a USB cable but didn't let him know that I was about to come. Then after I arrived there, I saw him smoking and turned his back right away so he could put down the cigarettes. I was a little shocked, because I knew that he had ever a cigarettes before, but all this time he always told me that he's not doing that anymore, that he already stopped. But still used the pods, tho. I put my trust in him, and at that time I was very grateful that my brother listened to me, and that he was able to avoid that while his surroundings were some people who were into smoking as well. But tonight the trust that I already put on him has already broken. I do understand that this is his life that I can't control, and he is able to make his own choices. Furthermore, it isn't even something that is forbidden in our beliefs. But despite all those things, I just want him ...

Last night I dreamed about you. We weren't strangers anymore, we went out with some people. I was with my colleagues and you were with yours. But out of nowhere, we were all heading to watch some kind of concert. The concert was strangely held beside a hospital (idk why tho). Our group somehow gathered around, and we were all chatting while queuing before the concert. While we were having a chitchat, somehow you spilled a cup of coffee which was mine. And then you offered yourself to buy another since I was enjoying it before. You bought me some kind of Americano coffee but with a taste of Avocado(?) when the truth is I do not like Avocado haha. But I received it gladly and you also added some writing on it (I forgot what that was). But I guess in my dream I found it very sweet of you. We somehow talk a lot more than before. While we're all queuing, you told us that you need to go to the hospital to see your mom, because she was sick. You went back and forth, to monitor your mo...